Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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