Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
