my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
