You can't special order awesome
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
