I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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