Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
