I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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