Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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