So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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