I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
