I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
