You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
