she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
