So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
