I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
