was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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