I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
