I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
