I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
