i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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