I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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