Define "chronic" masturbator.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
