YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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