I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
