Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
