This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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