You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
