She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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