He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
