so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
