I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
