I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
