You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize