and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
