just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
