Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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