Who wears a wallet chain?!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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