i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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