The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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