i need an iv and a liver transplant
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
