i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
