even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
