i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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