Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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