I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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