So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
