giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
