Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
