My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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