It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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