All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
