you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ladies don't puke and tell
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
