I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
