New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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