i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
