that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
