I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
