i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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