My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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