i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
