Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
