Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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