Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
