Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize