dude i'm inner monologue high
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i believe in u and ur pee
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
