We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Randomize
