when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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