it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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