found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
